Top 150 Funny Christmas Jokes for Kids and Adults

Top 150 Funny Christmas Jokes for Kids and Adults

Laugh along with the 150 best of the best Christmas jokes.

Whether you’re telling them at a Christmas Eve meal with your family or texting them to all of your friends, funny Christmas jokes are the ideal way to get into the holiday spirit. This is true whether you’re telling cute Christmas jokes for kids or Santa jokes.

On top of that, considering the year that each of us has had, we could all use an additional helping of Christmas cheer!

These hilarious holiday-themed Dad jokes are sure to make you laugh till your jingle bells fall off, ranging from ridiculous holiday puns to extremely humorous Christmas jokes for kids.

Merry Christmas Wishes to Write in Your Christmas Cards This Year

In addition, we have included a few of the filthiest Christmas jokes we could find as an added dose of holiday cheer; please note that these jokes are intended just for adults.

Continue reading in order to begin spreading the joy of the holiday season one hilarious joke at a time with the assistance of this list of the 150 best funny Christmas jokes for kids (plus a couple that are only for grownups!) that we have ever seen.

Top 150 Funny Christmas Jokes for Kids and Adults

Christmas Puns That Are Hilarious

1. What do you call a loud and annoying reindeer? The Rude-Olf.
2. What did the stamp on the Christmas card say to the recipient? Stay with me, and we’ll get to where we’re going!
3. In what ways is Christmas similar to the work that you do? You put in all the effort, yet some slob in a suit takes all the credit for the accomplishment.
4. Why did nobody bid on Rudolph and Blitzen when they were up for auction on eBay? Simply due to the fact that they were two deer!
5. What do you call a reindeer that appears to be really scary? A critical error.
6. What does the Queen refer to when she broadcasts her Christmas message? The only show!
7. What phrase do reindeer use right before they crack a joke? You’re going to get slewed by this one!
8. What do you call the children who aid Santa throughout the holiday season? Clauses that take subordination.
9. Have you ever wondered why you haven’t seen Santa in the hospital? Because he has his elf caretaker!
10. What makes the Christmas alphabet different from the traditional alphabet? There is a No-el.es in the Christmas alphabet.
11. Why is it becoming increasingly difficult to purchase Advent calendars? Their time on earth is drawing to a close!
12. How can you tell whether Santa Claus is in the neighborhood? You are able to feel his presence constantly.
13. What was the key to Scrooge’s victory in the football game? The Christmas spirit has left the building!
14. What do you name an elf who is talented in both singing and dancing? The elfs.
15. What presents do grumpy mice give to one another throughout the holiday season? Cards with a cross and a mouse!
16. If Santa has so much money, where does he keep it all? At the snow bank in the area.
17. What do you call Santa if he’s out of money? Saint One Without a Nickel
18. How do you describe a group of people who are playing chess in a hotel lobby and talking about how good they are? Chess fanatics strutting their stuff in an open foyer!
19. What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree for the holiday? I hope you like your chewing!
20. If crabs are so religious, why don’t they celebrate Christmas? Because they are comprised of shells.
21. What gifts does Miley Cyrus receive over the holiday season? The twerk!
22. Which Christmas carol is the favorite of every single parent? The night was silent.
23. If an elf is out of shape, what does Santa do with them? They will be sent to an elf farm.
24. During the Christmas season, who is hiding in the bakery? A rat in the ham!
25. What kind of food do snowmen eat in the morning? Frosted Flakes or Ice Crispies, whatever you like.
26. How do snowmen navigate their environment? They travel on a piece of ice!
27. What do you call Santa when he takes a vacation from all of his Christmas duties? Santa, Take a Break.
28. When Santa’s elves disobey, what does Santa do to punish them? He hands them the keys to the car!
29. If you consume all of the Christmas decorations, what will you get? Tinsil’s disease!
30. What did Santa say to the cigarette smoker, you ask? Please don’t smoke because I don’t want my elf to become sick.

Christmas Puns for Children to Enjoy

31. The gingerbread man sleeps with what on his bed? Sheets for cookies!
32. On Christmas morning, why did the small kid seem to be shivering so much? Because it was the month of December!
33. What does it mean when a sheep wishes you a Merry Christmas? Have a Merry Christmas!
34. What happens when Christmas Day finally comes to an end? The capital letter “Y!”
35. What do you get when you cross an iPad with a Christmas tree? Hopefully, an iPad Christmas tree. There is a pineapple!
36. I’m curious about what became of the robber who took the Christmas calendar. His sentence was one year.
37. Which year does Christmas arrive first, before the New Year’s Day holiday? YEAR after YEAR!
38. What kind of subjects does an elf learn in school? The alphabet of elves.
39. Which holiday tale does a bird enjoy hearing the most? The story of the finch who robbed Christmas.
40. Santa Claus, what kind of motorcycle do you think he enjoys riding the most? That would be Holly Davidson!
41. What is the traditional way for sheep to greet one another on a good holiday? I hope you have a wonderful Christmas.
42. What do you get when you combine Santa Claus and a private investigator? Santa has a HINT!
43. Which athletic pursuit does an elf enjoy the most? The vault over the North Pole.
44. How can a snowman get rid of his belly fat? He is patiently waiting for the temperature to rise!
45. When there are clouds in the sky, what does Mrs. Claus say to Santa? “I told you so!” It appears that rain is on the way, deer.
46. What did the snowman that was talking to the other snowman say to each other? Do you get a whiff of carrots?
47. When the heat of the sun becomes unbearable, what do snowmen drink? A dose of patience.
48. What present would be appropriate for your parents to receive on Christmas? A list of the things that you desire.
49. When his pals wished him a Merry Christmas, what does a cranky sheep respond with? Ignorance is bliss!
50. Who takes care of bringing the elephants their Christmas presents? Santa was an elephant.
51. How is it that Rudolph always seems to know when Christmas is right around the corner? He refers to his Caledonian red deer.
52. What was wrong with the Christmas tree that it wouldn’t stand up? It did not have any legs.

53. If Santa works at the North Pole, why is he there? He had to leave the South Pole because the penguins wouldn’t let him stay there!
54. If Rudolph did so well in school, why didn’t he obtain an A+? Because of how he became a part of history.
55. What aspect of school does Jack Frost appreciate the most? Tell it to the snow.
56. What kind of ball doesn’t make a sound when it’s dropped? A ball of snow.
57. What did one snowman say to another snowman You rock my world.
58. When they go to a Christmas celebration, how do hens dance? From one hen to another.
59. What can fall from the sky near the North Pole without causing anyone any harm? Snow!
60. What kinds of pictures do elves shoot with their cameras? Oh, the elfies!
61. If Santa Claus gets caught in a chimney, what kind of ailment does he end up with? The fear of Santa Claus!
62. Which musical group does the Grinch dislike the most? Who are they?
63. What ultimately transpired in the life of the man who stole an Advent Calendar? He will serve 25 days!
64. What caused the ornament to become so obsessed with Christmas? His love of trees consumed his entire life.
65. During the holiday season, who brings the baby sharks their gifts? Santa, the Jaws!
66. What caused Santa’s tiny helper to feel down in the dumps? Because he had a feeble sense of self-worth.
67. How to Decorate a Tree, by Orna Ment, was supposed to be the title of a book that was never written.
68. If the Grinch had a baseball bat, what would he do with it? After hitting a gnome, it rushes away.
69. What kind of melodies do fish sing throughout the winter season? Corals with a Christmas theme.
70. What kind of candy does a Christmas tree prefer the most? A variety of cinnamons.
71. When Santa went speed dating, what did he do to pass the time? He pulled a fast one on us!
72. What do you call a child who doesn’t think that Santa Claus exists? A rebel who doesn’t believe in Santa.
73. Where do you think polar bears cast their ballots? The poll in the north!

74. I’m curious as to why Frosty filed for divorce. His wife was a complete and utter fake.
75. If you have Santa Claus and a duck have their baby, what do you get? What a Merry Christmas Quack!
76. Why does Scrooge have such a soft spot in his heart for reindeer? For the simple reason that he values every dollar!
77. What has the refrain “Oh, Oh, Oh”? Santa Claus is going in the wrong direction!
78. What kind of snack food does Santa prefer the most? Pringles with a crunch.

A joke for Christmas

79. If the snowman was made of carrots, why was he staring through them? He was picking his nose at the wrong time!
80. If mummies are so old, why do they get so excited about Christmas? They are interested in all of the packaging.
81. If Santa has three gardens, why does he need so many? In order for him to have a good time!
82. Do you know how much Santa Claus spent on his sleigh? It is nothing. It was completely free of charge!
83. What do you consider to be the most amazing Christmas present ever? You just can’t beat the sound of a drum that’s been broken!
84. If someone seems to have lost their Christmas spirit, what can you do to help them? They need to be nursed back to health.
85. What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps!
86. What did Adam say the day before Christmas? “It’s Christmas Eve!”
87. What do you call an elf wearing ear muffs? Anything you want. He can’t hear you!
88. What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish.
89. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!
90. What do you call a blind reindeer? I have no eye deer.
91. Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soots him.
92. What’s the difference between Santa and a knight? One slays the dragon; the other drags the sleigh.
93. Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber? It needed to be trimmed!
94. What is Santa Claus’ laundry detergent of choice? Yule-Tide.
95. Why was Theresa May sacked as Nativity Manager? She couldn’t run a stable government!
96. How does Santa keep his bathroom tiles immaculate? He uses Comet.

Christmas jokes

97. What is Santa’s favorite pizza? One that’s deep-pan, crisp, and even!
98. What’s Santa’s favorite song by the Ramones? Blitzen-krieg Bop.
99. I can’t get to the chocolates in my advent calendar. Foiled again.
100. What do the elves call it when Father Christmas claps his hands at the end of a play? Santapplause!
101. How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit? No Brussels.
102. What do you say to Santa when he’s taking attendance at school? Present.
103. Did you know that Santa’s not allowed to go down chimneys this year? It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission.
104. What do you call Kris Kringle when he goes on his wife’s health insurance? A dependent Claus.
105. Christmas: The time when everyone gets Santamental.
106. Why are Comet, Cupid, and Donner always wet? Because they are rain deer.
107. What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? Santa Clues!
108. To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I’m turning my house into an Italian restaurant.
109. I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me, “Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace.” So I bought her nothing.
110. Why does St. Nick like the Temptations’ version of Silent Night best? Because Santa Was A Rolling Stone.
111. What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick’s Day? St. O’Claus!
112. When Santa is on the beach, what do the elves call him? Sandy Claus
113. The 3 stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus.

Christmas joke

114. What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit? Crisp Kringle.
115. What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly? Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.
116. What’s the most popular Christmas carol in the desert? Oh, camel ye faithful.
117. What’s as big as Santa but weighs nothing? Santa’s shadow!
118. Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey—he’s always stuffed!
119. How do you scare a snowman? Grab a hairdryer!
120. Why does Santa have elves in his workshop? Because the Seven Dwarfs were busy!
121. Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa.
122. What do a train set and boobs have in common? They were both made for kids, but dads can’t help playing with them.
123. What do three ho’s get you? One very jolly Santa.
124. What’s the difference between a Christmas tree and a man? A Christmas tree will stay up for 12 nights, has cute balls, and looks good with the lights on.
125. Is your name Jingle Bells? Cause you look ready to go all the way.
126. Have you heard about Adolph, the brown-nosed reindeer? He can run as fast as Rudolph; he can’t stop as quickly.
127. Why did Santa divorce Mrs. Claus? He refused to let go of all those irritating ho’s.
128. Why are Christmas trees better than men? Even the small ones give satisfaction.
129. Are you Christmas? Because I want to marry you!
130. You know, that’s not a candy cane in my pocket… I’m just THAT happy to see you.
131. Why did the Grinch go to the liquor store? He was searching for some holiday spirit.
132. Why does Santa always come through the chimney? Because he knows better than to try the back door.
133. Why did Santa send his daughter to college? To keep her off the North Pole.
134. What do you call Santa if he also lives in the South Pole? Bi-Polar.
135. Why was the snowman smiling? He could see the snowblower coming down the street.
136. What do priests and Christmas trees have in common? Their balls are just ornamental.
137. What did Santa sing when he went down the chimney? “Chest and nuts roasting on an open fire…”
138. Why is Santa so damn jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
139. Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? Because the present is beneath them.
140. What do all the female reindeer do when Santa takes the males out to guide his sleigh? They go into town and blow more than a few bucks.
141. Why did the snowman want a divorce? Because his wife was a total flake.
142. Why did the Grinch rob the liquor store? He desperately needed some holiday spirit.
143. What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs.
144. Why doesn’t Santa have kids of his own? He only comes once a year.
145. Do you want to see the North Pole? …At least that’s what Mrs. Claus calls it.
146. What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa? Santa was smart enough to stop at three hours.
147. What’s Santa’s safe sex tip? Wrap your package before shoving it down the chimney.
148. What’s the most disappointing thing for a man on Christmas morning? When he gets a sweater, he’s hoping for a screamer or a moaner.
149. Why does Santa land on the roof? Because he likes it on top.
150. If your left leg is Thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas, can I visit between the holidays?

Thanks for visiting Wishes for You